Broken Memories and Lost Sanity
by shamu-fan
Summary: Brigette's memories and her thoughts while she's in the drug rehabilitation center. mainly about the first movie. two-shot.
1. Shattered Thoughts

Disclaimer: I own nothing of this awesome movie…sigh…though I wish I owned Sam/Kris Lemche!

This is from Brigette's point of view. It's her thought's and memories for what happens during the first movie and it's mainly Sam/Brigette centric! I hope you enjoy and flames are welcome. I might do one of Sam's thoughts if people want me to.

Broken Memories, Lost Sanity.

I woke up in a cold sweat, shaking. Tyler and Marcus burst into the room, surprising me. I guess I cried out in my sleep. They just gave me a look that screamed, "Wow. What a pathetic junkie. That's all she'll ever be, a pathetic fuckin' junkie." and left the room. I swept my thick hair away from my face with my shaking hand. The nightmares were hell. I keep seeing Ginger dying over and over, staring at me with those accusing eyes. I still remember every detail so clearly…so painfully clear. I can't believe that right now we should still be at the "Breeder's Machine", planning our own deaths, "Searching and Destroying" the mindless lust bunny sluts like Trina Sinclair. She was the first person I saw actually die in front of me. She's another face that always haunts me. Yes, she was a bitch but she didn't deserve to die for being permanently PMSing for life. Ginger sounded like she was so innocent when she said "Uh-oh" after Trina slipped and accidentally killed herself when it was her fault for dragging Trina into the house to begin with.

Ginger was and always will be my best friend. I miss her like crazy everyday. Everyday I blame myself for her death. If I had been stronger and stood up to people like Trina then we wouldn't have left the house to steal her dog. Then Ginger and Trina wouldn't have died and Jason wouldn't be a werewolf right now. When I killed Ginger, well I saw her eyes return to normal. Before they were red with blood lust and hatred. Then when I stabbed her, I saw a ghost of her usual self. They still had so much hate and anger in them…and those emotions and those terrifying eyes were still directed at me.

I wish I could just go back to sleep, and never wake up. I close my eyes and just lay here on the bed…my bed I guess. _'What would Mom and Dad say if they could see you now?' _a voice says. I don't recognize this voice. It isn't Ginger's. My eyes snap open as I realized…it's mine. What would they say or think, not that I ever really cared. Hell Mom would just be glad that I started my period and try to give me advice while Dad would look on like we were all crazy like he always does…did, I mean did. I wish I was still little and I could curl up into Mom or Dad's lap and cry while they sat there and held me.

I saw a shadow pass by my door out of the corner of my eye. I glanced up and saw Tyler walk by the door. Probably off to give some girl drugs in return for sex. I wonder what Alice would do if she knew. I let him do it to me once and it was so embarrassing that I had to sink that low. It was just plain humiliating. After he left I swore never again. Plus I could smell the sweetness of his blood running through his veins. The first time I smelled it from him was when he cornered me in the bathroom. I had a really strong urge to just rip him into fucking pieces right there, but I managed to control it until he left. I had that urge again when he was in my room, and I almost did it. But I saw someone's face, one that I've put out of my mind because it was just too painful. Amid the bloody visions of me ripping Tyler's insides out was Sam's face. The first day I woke up here, I tried running but Tyler and Marcus caught up with me when I was trapped due to locked doors. I turned around and I saw a flash of dark hair that was about the same length as his…but it was Marcus, not Sam.

Sam, well, he noticed me. He saw me before Ginger was even bitten. I think I fell in love with him. I grabbed my book and lifted up a part of the flap that I cut open and made into a secret compartment. Inside was his silver earring. After we buried Trina, I went back to the kitchen and got it from when Ginger ripped it from her belly button. I meant to give it back to him, but I never got the chance. Now it's all I have left of Sam besides my memories, which as I said before, are usually too painful. I was so jealous that it was Ginger who got to wear it. It's my fault that he died. I should've never let him help me. Every time I talked with him he looked me in the face really intensely, but I couldn't even look at him for a full minute. I was so nervous around him. It was like I was hyperaware of him. I knew where he was, how his voice sounded, how his body was positioned and how he smelled. Even though I never looked at him when we talked, I had memorized every little detail of him.

He ended up giving his life for mine and Ginger's even though it didn't do a lot of good. I had to kill Ginger and soon…well soon I'll become a werewolf or I'll die. Ginger never approved of him. She just thought that he was a "cherry-hound" like Trina did. That and she probably didn't want anyone else to be important in my life, at least not as important as her. I would go on about how Ginger said this, and Ginger said that, but I've been doing that all my life. She isn't here anymore except the part of my imagination that makes me see her, hear her. She keeps taunting me, reminding me of what we did and what happened to us.

My mind is still running full speed and my body can't keep up. It's been so long since I've been able to sleep, to relax. I can feel myself slipping into unconsciousness. I can only hope that I won't dream. Anymore it's nightmares but when I get the good dreams, it makes reality so much harder to live with.

I promise I'm writing another chapter(this will be a two-shot.) Please let me know what you think and you can give me any ideas. If people like this I'll do one of Sam's thoughts.


	2. Loneliness

I'm so beyond sorry that it took me this long to update. For some reason this school year the sadistic people we call teachers have decided to give us a ton of essays and papers to write. Just this weekend I have three essays to write! Bleh…oh well. I've decided that this will be a three shot to make up for the time in between chapters! Well I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer-Nothing's changed since the last chapter…still don't own anything!!

Chapter Two-Dealing with Loneliness and Realizations

I'm still stuck inside this hell. There's no way I can get out. I can feel the beast inside of me growing stronger, fighting to break free. How did Ginger deal with this? I've managed to hold it off longer than she did because I used monkswood, but how much longer do I have? How strong do I have to be so no one will get hurt? Strong enough to beat this, using the temporary antidote until I find a permanent one? Will that permanent antidote be suicide? Because I know I'm not strong enough to do that…I've tried to many times before. I remember Ginger saying that we can't learn to live without pain but this is just ridiculous. If it's supposed to teach me how to live then why am I dying? God…I'm so scared.

I groaned and rolled over to face the other wall, staring into the bathroom at the toilet. Ugh, what a pleasant sight to see every fuckin' night. I can already tell that tonight's going to be another sleepless night fill with unanswered questions, zero advice, empty realizations, and more memories…great. It may sound like I hate the world right now, God knows enough people have said it to me or about me. But that's not true. I just hate the idiots in the world. If they'd just let me out we'd be saving a lot of time and trouble.

I suppose we can't change the truth, no matter how much we dislike it. I suppose I should also just accept the fact that sometimes things happen, sometimes we wish they didn't but sometimes they're unavoidable. And I suppose I should accept that…what bullshit. If those so called counselors would walk just a step in my shoes they'd fall and wouldn't be able to get up. I want to tell them, not like they'd believe me or anything, but even if they would I doubt I'd tell them the truth. This is now my problem and I need to get through this on my own. I don't want to hurt anyone and drag them down with me. I don't need anymore blood on my hands. My sister's blood was more than enough, but Sam's was too much of a price to pay everyday and every night.

Sam…I die inside every time I think about him. I'm missing him more everyday and there hasn't been a night where I haven't thought about him. I still love him…wait what…did I love him? Let me see…after every bad thing Ginger told me about him I still defended and wanted to be by him, the other night I dreamt I was being held by him but when I awoke to find out I was alone I cried myself back to sleep, and there seems to be a space that I'm sure only he could fill. I guess I loved him then and I guess I always will. I'm sorry Ginger, I didn't mean to fall in love. Heh. When you realize your fate, you accept it, but there's always a catch. Because of our fates I lost the only ones who ever cared for me. Life is a long road when you face it alone, and I was left alone in a cold and empty world, filled with lies.

Ginger…we went through so much together, and most of it was your fault. I still love her even though everything that's happened so far sucks to no end. I got to admit though, it was fun, staging our deaths and being so close. I never would've expected how everything would've turned out. Her dead and me in a fucking mental and junkie hospital.

The toilet's getting boring to stare at. I turn onto my back to stare at the cracks in the ceiling which I pretty much have memorized by now. There's one that looks like Sam. Well it doesn't really look like Sam but it does look like a face and my overactive imagination just screws me over and puts his face there. I try to avoid looking at it but I always end up staring at it anyway. Would I have known what love feels like if it weren't for him? Probably not. I'm too much of a freak to be loved by anyone. Even Sam…at least I think he didn't love me. Did he? You do make the greatest sacrifices for those you love and in my case he died trying to help me and save my sister. But that probably doesn't mean he loved me…does it? Eh, I'm getting another migraine from thinking again and they don't give you anything to help here. Not even for cramps! I'd overdose on all of that Advil than deal with the pain. Happy Sunshine clinic my ass. I've been here for…I don't even know anymore. The days kind of run together in a big blur. Anyway I still don't know the actual name of this godforsaken prison.

My stomach growls, begging for something better than this organic shit. What I really want right now is something raw. Raw, warm and chewy. It totally disgusts me but I can't help it. How ironic. The very thing that could've saved Sam's life is the thing I crave most now. I hear footsteps. Someone making their nightly rounds. This time it's Marcus. I can tell by his walk. He is a little louder than Tyler. Not by much, it's just that his nurse's shoes squeak a little more. I feel wide awake although I know my body's exhausted. It's been like this ever since I've been off the monkswood. I can't seem to focus, my thoughts jump around from one subject to an entirely different one. Then there are times, which seem to be happening a lot lately, where my train of thought crashes into a wall, big explosion, no survivors. I guess that's what happens when you can't sleep in just about 48 hours. I kind of hope that my body will give out from exhaustion and maybe I'll die. I have to do something. I'm going crazy from the lack of sleep and fighting this damn curse. Ginger said either give in or give up. Is there any other way?

Ok. There's the second chapter. It definitely did not turn out how I wanted but it's something. If you guys really don't like it let me know and I'll take it down and re-do it.


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